Husbands and Wives, Cheating…

Husbands and Wives, Cheating…   HILARIOUS 

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1. A woman was in bed having sex with her husband’s friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings,

she answers.

After hanging up she says, ”That was Harry, but don’t worry, he won’t be home for a while. He’s playing cards with you.”

2. A husband and wife are laying in their bed…

Wife: If I die will you have another woman in this bed?
Husband: Yeah.
Wife: Will you marry her?
Husband: Maybe.
Wife: Will you let her use my golf clubs?
Husband: Of course not.
Wife: Why not?
Husband: She’s left-handed.

3. Husband: Say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time.
Wife: You have a much bigger d*ck than your brother!

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The Crabby Cabbie

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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he’d be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his driver’s license number, his address, etc…

The cabbie said, ”If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!”

So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ”How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked?

”Fifteen bucks,” came the reply.

”And how much for you to give me a bl*wj*b on the way?”

”What?! Get the hell out of my cab.”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ”How much for a ride to the airport?”

The cabbie replied, ”Fifteen bucks.”

The businessman said, ”OK,” and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

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The Lie Detector

The Lie Detector – Prepare for lots of laughter this is a

HILARIOUS JOKE

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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.

He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, “Son, where were you today during school hours?” “At school.”

The robot slaps the son. “Okay, I went to the movies!”

The father asks, “Which one?” “Harry Potter.” The robot slaps the son again. “Okay, I was watching porn!”

The father replies, “What? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!”

The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, “Haha! After all, he is your son!” The robot slaps the mother.

 

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Cross Dresser

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A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.

While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks,

“Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?” She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss.

After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?”

The girl replies, “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…”

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Top 10 photos taken just seconds before disaster.

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Funny Pool Pics That Define The Summer Time .

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This Happens More Often Than It Should

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Avery 6 year old Drummer

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Source:http://www.youtube.com/

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Extremely Clever And Well Trained Dog Performs Amazing Tricks

This dog is named Jumpy, and he’s probably one of the most clever dogs ever. I’ve seen dogs do lots of good tricks before, but never anything like this. In this video Jumpy shows off some of his awesome tricks. Watch the incredible connection he has with his trainer Omar and the way he obeys each of his commands. It’s just unbelievable how talented he is.
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Source //www.youtube.com/

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Where Do Babies Come From?

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have s*x.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his p*nis in the mommy’s v*gina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”

The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s p*nis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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