Tag: HUSBAND

Sep 23

Watching The Game

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. ‘What are you doing?’ she exclaimed. The daughter replied, ‘I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this …

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Apr 17

Wake – Up- Call

A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he’d need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of …

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Mar 29

The Mirror

An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldomsaw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy anything. “Well, my wife ain’t home, she’s gone down to the crick to wash clothes, but lemme see …

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Feb 28

Heaven

A spiritualist who’d recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she’d just received a message from her dead husband – asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. “The only thing is,” she mused, “that I don’t know where to send them.” “Why not?” asked her friend. “Well, he didn’t actually …

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Feb 21

Winning Toast

Patrick hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life between the legs of me wife!” And with that he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night. In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of …

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Feb 11

Parking Ticket

My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.. We went up to him and I said, “come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?” He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an …

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Feb 05

Breakfast

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going …

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Jan 15

A Woman Said To Her Friend

A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can’t imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things.” The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I …

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Jan 10

Three Astronauts

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send three astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to …

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Dec 19

Elderly Couple On Vacation

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different, Bessie?” Bessie looks him over. “Nope.” Sam says excitedly, “Come on, …

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